12-Oct-2006
THE URGE TO MOVE IN together on the second date is an oft-touted norm of lesbian life. But our unchecked nesting instincts can get us into serious trouble. Julie B. in Portland met her first girlfriend in a bar and went home with her two dates later. They spent the weekend making “passionate love.” Then, finding they were unable to pry themselves apart, they moved in together. Only when it was too late did Julie learn about her new lover’s drug problem. Not only was she already emotionally involved, but the two were seriously financially entangled. “I skipped the dating phase and signed up for a yearlong nightmare that included a serious car crash, having to fight off my crack-fiend girlfriend for the last $40 in my wallet, going hungry, wandering the streets homeless, and other bullshit!” (And that’s just Julie’s side of the story!)
The term “U-Haul Syndrome” is a nod to the abject poverty of many lesbians. (Otherwise it’d be called "Swank Moving Company Syndrome.") This term goes hand-in-hand with the stereotype (see “Corky” in the movie Bound) that all of us can fix our own cars. Duh, it’s not because we don’t want to depend on men (who can’t fix cars either), it’s because we don’t have the green to hire an actual mechanic. Anyway, our financial woes are often a precipitating factor to premature cohabitation, which makes it even harder to separate when things go bad. I remember having such a mean case of sciatica that the mere thought of having to fork over another 50 bucks I didn’t have, plus reload and unload another U-Haul, made me clutch my aching back muscles, grit my teeth, and stick it out for another six months with an ex of mine who will forever be referred to as “the baby talker from hell.”
Keep in mind that the U-Haul is only partly a reference to poverty. The main part is still about moving in too hastily. Having the bucks to spring for the luxury of a squad of movers doesn’t preclude you from suffering the fall-out of a poor choice of partners. The more money you have, the more likely you are to be milked, bilked, or slapped with an ugly galimony suit. Once we win the right to marry, she can rake you over the coals in real live divorce court.
